A friend & I were discussing digital foot prints & the fact you should manage your own and keep an eye on it, as he got a load of grief from something he did ages ago & honestly just forgotten about.

I had similar experience in the past, My footprint has been scrubbed & amended, only thing I would call a slight concern is facebook. So had a look decide only tag photo's to be a real issue went through deciding if pic's passed or failed.

Then I came across one of me & a cute blond at a house party (I was very drunk, trying to drink away issue's) Checked her tag & she had friend me not long after the party hadn't recognised her from the friend request or thought much about it.

I have no memory of the photo or large chunks of that party, wonder if I made a good or bad impression. By the way my alcohol consumption now is very limited for reasons like this.

Didn't go house party at the weekend, to give me space from "S" not sure my heads any clearer but it probably was the best thing.

Matt

ps. Look carefully behind you to the digital sand there's no bit tide to wash the path traveled away. Like foot prints on the moon up there for everyone to see if you look hard enough.

"S" makes my blood boil sometimes, just seen she's walled a bloke on facebook she was slating at the weekend it went "blah blah, missing you xx"

Aaargh why slate him to me then send him massages I'm sure she's screwing him & telling me otherwise.

She comes across as such a nice person, just cant but let herself down. I even had my sister in-law suggesting we should get it together thats me & "S" not my sister in-law & me lol.

Think I need a bit of space between us.

On a brighter note a mate just booked me onto there ski trip week before easter yeah holiday time Only hope there's snow there then.

Holiday time

Matt

Think I have lessened the "S" effect for the moment, doing bad old habits might pay off sometimes just blackened my soul a little more, I'm never getting into heaven (Christian version) also the 2nd guessing of "S" ie I've got a feeling (intuition) she's back with her old cheating ex.

This weekend is looking bleak on the entertainment front ether my mates are all "birded up" or skint. I have some interesting reading so perhaps that will pass the time.

Wait hold press I have the excitement of picking & buying bathroom tiles Sunday morning SUCH FUN!!

Matt the tile king

In regard to last night it was 85% Failure my wingman got me talking to few women but I couldn't get past my fear of walking up to women to start a conversation.

Didn't think it would be easy to get past years of failure & fear but at least I was out there, one small step.

MATT

Ive decide I'm going to work on my problem of chatting girls/women up!

Tonights mission after watching the england match, is to start chatting girls up, first location chosen SU bar, wingman "fish boy"

Two openers I'm thinking using is jealous girl friend (from style) & "do you the match score tonight, I missed the end?" this one I'm not hugely sure on. Have a start but need a follow through to engage & start a proper conversation.

Ideas behind openers is to start a conversation, If you already know what your going to say you can come across better, thats the theory

I will relay how I manage tomorrow be it good or bad, I truly get "The Fear" when approaching the opposite sex normal I use about 5-6 pints to get over this then I generally don't make much sense lol

Matt 

I'm in a complete malaise. Need to shake myself out of it. arrange something every night this week till Friday nothing exciting just to stir me really.

It got so bad only got out of bed on Sunday as I become hungry 7:35PM! I wasn't even reading, just laying there

had another session with Counselor I still feel the poor dear has slightly higher IQ then a mouse (sorry thats not fair she just doesn't come across very well) but then again I might not been the best patient ever not my forte opening up & all that.

At one point we were talking about that I used to have a huge over bite, I mentioned I still have a little one & so does she "whaoo" body language reaction. I think that was a sore point with her. I decided not purse that as obviously it was making her feel uncomfortable (little bit of me, my mischievous side wanted to toy with it). In reality she has a very small over bite 2mm at most, smaller then what I have now 3mm it started of a whooping 15mm imagine that when my jaws were shut there was a 15mm horizontal gap no wonder I never pulled at school lol

Counselor did mention it might help if I spoke to "S" as part of my issue's do revolve around her. I think she likes me when I'm unavailable but not so when I'm available, yes she has her own issue's!

she fills my mind, couple of days without contact I'm wondering what she's up to & who with? not good but when were together "as friends" its great. She's like a drug once I'm getting my fix its great, marvelous but difficult when not seeing her regularly. Once I'm out of that & she's out of my mind, I still enjoy her company but it's like, what was all that fuss about!?!

I had thought Id got past her being in my head but our one night stand sucked me back in. I had been chasing her off & on for around 4yrs last thing I expected during mid-copulation was decelerations of love, what can I say it spun my mind.

Also I'm missing my Surfing with it be the Endorphins or the peace I feel out in the waves one thing for certain I'm not my normal self if I cant get in the water & enjoy the waves every so often.

Matt

I met a mental health professional for the first time as a patient.

Not sure what I wanted out this experience perhaps I just want to "check-in my baggage" but I was under whelmed by her. Started with the wettest hand shake in the world without it even being damp, if you could call it a hand shake at all. Don't know why but I tend to believe you can feel a persons confidence through a handshake & it doesn't need to be bone shattering just solid.

I got the feeling that she was a one school of thought person but if you & your problems didn't fit her school think she bent it till it did! rather then trying a different type of schooling. It's not a one solutions fits all.

without pulling skeletons out of my closet or washing really dirty laundry on here I'll try to get my point across. She said as Ive got a bit of will power & control over the problem, perhaps I should test the boundaries of my control.

To my mind it would be like telling an alcoholic (who is asking for help for the 1st time) to go sit in a pub, to see if they could resist temptation. I'm no mental health professional but that logic seemed a bit off!

Matt (slightly more mental then marvelous at the moment)